I understand that many of us have different ideas about what pleasure is, but for me, pleasure is the ability to feel love in each cell in my body.
When we feel pleasure in our bodies, we’re reminded on a visceral level that we’re worthy and deserving of love. On a primal level this can be a profound doorway through depression.
Pleasure has no conditions. Pleasure doesn’t tell us that we need to be single in order to feel free enough to accept it’s luxury. And pleasure doesn’t dictate that we need to be in a relationship in order to be deserving of it’s love. Pleasure doesn’t tell us we need to look or act a certain way to be worthy of it’s grace.
Pleasure doesn’t judge us, even though we may tend to judge pleasure itself.
Giving ourselves permission for pleasure is the catalyst that breaks down age old tutelage that we need to maintain the roles that have become expected of us, meanwhile hiding or forgetting our sensual and sexual selves for fear of being punished, shut-down, shamed, violated, devalued, disrespected or… sometimes the most heartbreaking of all: we’ll be seen as a beautiful sexy Thing, but not truly seen for who we are.
Deep in our bones we know. We know our sensual bodies are the physical expression of love and our inner beauty. We just need to be reminded to give ourselves permission to access and explore those parts of ourselves.
The belief that our bodies are utilitarian to complete the role of procreation or motherhood, or that our bodies are devices to get the love that we thirst for, are deep conditionings that require more than a motto to look and feel sexy in order to be liberated from the burdens of repression.
These deep conditionings require a safe space where we can be honest with ourselves, to see where we’ve leaked our energy or hidden our power because of the cards that society, religion, family or even loving partners have unconsciously imposed upon us.
Unpacking these harmful imprints in our bodies deserves the respect of being deeply heard and seen with compassion, and with the sensitivity that we all know and recognize a part of ourselves in each other. Collective compassion allows reconciliation and resolution for the pain of denying our bodies pleasure.
Re-learning how to receive pleasure in our bodies is a nobel pursuit, especially when we’ve been shut-down or when we’ve been operating under the default of working hard or giving ‘enough’ to prove ourselves worthy of it.
It’s noble because pleasure is alchemical. In other words, pleasure is a healing force.
By giving ourselves permission to be deserving of pleasure, we not only heal the connection to ourselves, we nourish the connection with others.
Isn’t it time we shake the messages we were given as young girls when our dads wanted us to look beautiful to validate our worth, and our mothers wanted us to smile so people would like us?
Out of love, of course, moms and dads ushered our appearance as being important pieces of our identity, because they wanted to see us succeed and thrive as women in a man’s world. They did it to protect us, to help us, to support us, to help us thrive.
But these protective mechanisms over time start to chip away at the female soul. And we know at the core that we need to break free of these inconvenient habits in order to truly be who we are.
We are more valuable than our identity or roles, and we are more precious than our pretty faces, and we are more deserving of sexual satisfaction than taboos will have us believe.
Knowing our beauty and sexual power is an inside job, not a badge of honor, amunitation to manipulate, or a currency to calculate to get what we want.
Knowing our own inner beauty married with our sensual essence is a force of nature. That’s when we’re truly whole, sexy, confident and free. This is when we have a true sense of ourselves and can be truly available to give our love, compassion and beauty to others.
We all need a safe place to unpack the parts of ourselves that have been hurt, crushed, confused, or contorted by the difficult experiences in life that left our sense of self bruised. We need to dismantle our carefully crafted identities to expose the real self: the real self that holds the dualities of love and pain.
The pain: of denying our sensual and sexual expression of love, from sandwiched between the impossible double standards that society doles out: being too slutty or too prude.. Or being compartimentalized as being “a girlfriend” or “wife material” vs “a sex object?”
The love: of reclaiming the inner beauty that sometimes gets overlooked.
We need time and space to break free from society’s disfunctionality on a personal level, which requires knowing that we’re nor crazy, nor wrong, nor alone. It requires expelling the shame for all the times society made us feel there was something wrong with us, and it requires initiating our personal power to be who we are: beautfiul sensual creatures.
When yearning women come together through celebration and support, we regain the act of giving ourselves permission to be who we truly are.
By giving ourselves permission to be who we truly are, we release the controls that were born into our lives when we were taught that love and sex had all kinds of conditions.
It takes time to shift gears and find the new revitalized self when you get to the place where you realize you’ve been living most of your life in hiding, or in fear, or in protection, or in shame.
This realization brings you to a place where you’re hungry to change, you’re ready to let go of that old unhelpful identity….and it comes with a readiness to be more true, courageous, vulnerable and risk-taking.
There’s just one thing: you might find that your mind and heart wants this change, but your body hasn’t caught up yet.
Our bodies need the heart of our vocal expression, as well as our body’s recognition and expression of pleasure to remember who we are at the core. Our bodies also need a sacred and safe space to dive deep into expressing our desires, without apology, shame or guilt for being selfish, but rather with full permission to be unapologetic.
And so here it is.
This gathering has come to fruition.
It’s sacred, sensual and luxurious.
Because that’s what you and your body deserve.
Give yourself permission to have the gift of deeply relaxing into who you truly are and surrendering to the intelligence of your unique blueprint for pleasure.
If you feel any of this resonated in your bones or tickled your soul, please pass it on and share it. You may be helping another woman who needs to give herself this precious permission, care and attention.
📷 by artist Aranka Arsani