Healing Betrayal Through Generations: An Emotional Journey

Beyonce Knowles at the premiere of "Dreamgirls". Wilshire Theatre, Los Angeles, California, December 11, 2006.

I just watched Beyonce’s hour long music video “Lemonade”, twice.

Poetic. Deep. Beautiful. Raw.

Let me get a few things out the way first.

Number One: I love the fact that Beyonce doesn’t define her worth by her lover’s betrayal.

Number Two: I love that she doesn’t question or deny her love for Jay-Z even though she’s been hurt by his dishonesty. Love is grand, but not always pleasant. And as she says, “When you lie to me, you lie to yourself.” 

Number Three: I love how Beyonce acknowledges the generations of men and women who’ve equally suffered from betrayal. Healing the pattern of betrayal is deep. It involves healing history.

Number Four: I love that she names how grief heightens orgasm. This is something I’ve experienced myself, and thought about a lot. A heightened state of emotion running through your body also makes you feel physical desire and sensation more strongly. When grief bubbles to the surface during sex, it converts into a fiery passion that heightens orgasm. I love how our emotional bodies and sensual bodies are intricately designed to heal ourselves. 

But what I really want to get to is this: What moved me the most was how the entire video evokes the complex layers of healing in the wake of any betrayal.
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How to Gain Confidence Through Your Libido

Beautiful brunette singing woman on brick wall background

Ever feel like you’re talking to an alien when you express your feelings to your lover?

Um, yeah, that was the case for me and my then-partner several years ago.

I would explain and explain my feelings. Nothing would land until I was pushed to the point of frustrated tears.

If you relate to this, before you blame your partner for being an alien, ask yourself:

Why do you feel the need to explain?

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Why Pleasure is Your Secret Superpower

beauty and the beast, beautiful woman kissing a monster

Pleasure is the scintillating zap of aliveness melting into your cells, causing you to momentarily disengage from your brain, with the reminder that you were born for bliss and not to suffer shame or guilt or pain. Pleasure is there to remind you: you were born to transcend your human limitations not to be trapped by them.

Pleasure is the sum of all of your superpowers coming together like a UN summit, validating your unique bliss on planet Earth and celebrating what your body is built for.

Pleasure is not about escapism; it’s about realism. Click To Tweet
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The 2 Best Words for Deeper Intimacy

blowing a kiss (close up)

There are many ways communication amps up our sexual passion… like talking dirty, telling your lover everything you want them to do to you, and everything you want to do to them in turn… grinding your hips… and unleashing moans, groans, mmms, and ahhhs.  Most of these ways of communicating come from listening to our bodies and following its impulses… BUT

…sometimes greater pleasure calls for more intimate sex talk. 

Ready for the two words that’ll bring your sex life deeper intimacy?

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3 Ways to Heal Self-Esteem Through Pleasure

07.1.KK1.A1_0264 (2)

“Shit I stayed up til 2AM working and didn’t go to yoga today… BAD!”

Most of the time we don’t even recognize the pressure we put on ourselves to meet self-imposed expectations. It feels normal to have harsh ’self-regulating’ thoughts that make us believe we’re becoming “better human beings.”

The problem is, while the mantra “mind over matter” may push you to excel through your physical and emotional capacities, you may be disrespecting your body’s wisdom. If we’re not already totally exhausted from pushing our limits, the depletion we feel inside can lead to knocking down a bottle of wine to numb our dissatisfaction. Overindulgences in other pleasures, such as sex, can serve as an escape instead of a pleasure we’re fulfilled by. (more…)



5 Ways To Turn Resentment Into Intimacy 


Upset woman sitting on edge of bed at home in bedroom

How Anger Can Be Your Saving Grace Instead Of Your Next Disaster

We’ve all been there. Something our partner did or didn’t do has us frothing at the mouth or has our jaw locked with rage. Maybe it was not putting the toilet seat down that sent you off the handle. Maybe your partner giving special attention to another woman has you silently seething.

Whatever the reason, anger deserves respect. It can either destroy you with resentment, or it can serve to create the deeper intimacy and understanding. Anger needs to be expressed so that emotions can run freely again through your nervous system and through your sensuality. If you vent or repress anger, the segues in your body start to get confused about what feels right and wrong in your body. If you keep it inside, chances are your body will shut down.

Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions. ~ Deepak Chopra Click To Tweet (more…)


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How Do You Love Yourself? And Why Does It Matter?

making love, masks we wear when making love

Self Love: A Recipe for Integrity

Self-love can easily be misunderstood, misguided and misjudged, but by defining how you love yourself, you’ll inspire, heal and reinforce your personalized definition.

Does self-love mean having the free-spiritedness to dance naked on a beach? Or religiously staring at yourself in the mirror and reciting affirmations? Or dodging negative people or situations at all costs? Or focusing on balls of light to help instill peace? Or rising above all things irksome? (more…)


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Discover A Safe Haven to Freedom by Unleashing Your Rage

Fire girl dancing

Rage: It gets pegged as a gangster emotion that can destroy you, your opportunities and relationships, but if you just have a safe and private refuge to express anger full throttle, your rage can be your most heroic friend, defining your personal integrity.

When rage is given room to breathe, instead of shoved into denial, it’ll help you to see wounds underneath that need to be healed, and it’ll generously guide you towards cleanly engaging in a compassionate yes to yourself and an unapologetic no to someone or something that doesn’t jive with that self-compassion. Rage is your anchor to dignity, your compadre to passion and your backbone to self-loving love at all costs.

When’s the last time you felt seething rage? I mean seething.

The kind where you feel betrayed by something, someone, somewhere and it’s entirely out of your control?

What do you do when your blood boils?

Do you take the high road? You meditate. You do yoga.
Do you throw yourself into getting your shit together?  (more…)



5 Secrets about your Self Love Sweet Spot: The Pilgrimage to Pleasure

MaskSH:

Self-love may seem intangible or elusive because it doesn’t just manifest itself in our brains by repeating affirmations. Self-love needs to be felt viscerally in our bodies, in order to have a foundation for deep healing and long-lasting change.

In my experience, self-love is misunderstood and underestimated.  Many people believe self-love requires protecting their energy, dodging negative people or situations, focusing on mantras or balls of light to help instill peace, or rising above all the things that we just don’t love.  And others believe that self-love is simply impractical, intangible or hokey.

In my experience, self-love is none of those things. (more…)



Why Daring to Grieve Allows You To Reach New Possibilities

Sleeping beautiful woman lying on a huge red rose

I want to talk with you about something personal.

Pull up a chair. Curl up with a tea.

I want to talk to you about Grief.

I’m talking about a grief that’s beyond your control or outside circumstances.

It’s the kind of grief when you’ve lost something inside yourself.

Thanks to the help of a wonderful counsellor, it recently became clear to me that being in a loving relationship with a soul mate who I build and create with is more of a priority to me than having a child at all costs. Yet I do desire to be with someone who’s at least willing and open to exploring options for parenthood together… and that meant possibly letting go of the relationship I was in.

Before that clarity showed itself, I felt many things.

And the most poignant of those things was Grief.

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