Why Chasing Beauty Makes You Blind

“The only thing worse than being blind is having sight, but no vision” – Helen Keller

“I’ll take you around the world if you get back to that shape.”  He pointed to a picture of me taken exactly 20 years ago. I was skin and bones; it was just a couple of months after I’d recovered from typhoid fever. For weeks, I couldn’t keep down anything I ate. It was closest to death I’d ever been in my life.  

I know he intended this as a compliment for my youthful skinny self.  And he didn’t know that I’d had typhoid fever a few weeks before that photo had been taken. But offering me a reward to return to my skin and bones state, felt sickening.

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INSIDE

k17
Inside, there’s something deeply quiet: 

A sanctuary for dances in the dark

A muse for adventure, spelunking onto damp soil.

Inside, you see

The YES is not lost.

When you sink down further into the noiseless dark,
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Unravel Me

neckexposedonflooraranka_0411-1

Smear rhythm into my skin

Travel the awakening of my curves

Soak into sensual arpeggios

As the untold story of liberation penetrates silky smooth skin,

Exploring unknown territory

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Pleasure: A Healing Force of Nature

prayerarankaI understand that many of us have different ideas about what pleasure is, but for me, pleasure is the ability to feel love in each cell in my body.

When we feel pleasure in our bodies, we’re reminded on a visceral level that we’re worthy and deserving of love.

Pleasure has no conditions. Pleasure doesn’t tell us that we need to be single in order to feel free enough to accept it’s luxury. And pleasure doesn’t dictate that we need to be in a relationship in order to be deserving of it’s love. Pleasure doesn’t tell us we need to look or act a certain way to be worthy of it’s grace.

Pleasure doesn’t judge us, even though we may tend to judge pleasure itself.

Giving ourselves permission for pleasure is the catalyst that breaks down age old tutelage that we need to maintain the roles that have become expected of us, meanwhile hiding or forgetting our sensual and sexual selves for fear of being punished, shut-down, shamed,  violated, devalued, disrespected or… sometimes the most heartbreaking of all: we’ll be seen as a beautiful sexy Thing, but not truly seen for who we are.

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Why the Difference between Sensuality and Sexuality Matters

 

the famous sculptures around the austrian parliament dedicated to the greek goddess pallas athena

Ever thought about how your sensuality and sexuality are different?

Sensuality and sexuality are often lumped into the same category, but they are two very different qualities with unique capacities that contribute to our well-being in different ways.

Sensual is not always sexual. And sexual is not always sensual.

Sensuality is essentially our ability to feel pleasurable sensation through our senses of touch, scent, taste, sight and sound. Savoring decadent foods, feeling the texture of grass against bare feet, enjoying sensual caresses from a lover. These sensual experiences are pleasurable, but they may or may not be connected to an erotic or sexual turn on.

Sensuality is an incredibly healing force, because it’s the bridge that connects  the quadrinity of our selves: mental, emotional, physical, and consciousness. While being in-tune with our sensuality can connect us to our primal sexual essence, sensuality opens a powerful gateway to experiencing our raw emotions, access to which allows us to feel deeply connected to ourselves and to others.
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BROKEN STICKS

LookingForwardAranka_0495📷  by Artist Aranka Israni

A broken heart is like a broken stick.  

Broken sticks lie on the ground lifeless.

Please, dear You.

Don’t linger on being friends with broken sticks.

Don’t make ornaments or trophies out of them.

Throw them to the ocean.

Let them compost.

Make kindling out of them.

Let them burn in a fire.

That fuels rich and prolific love.

If you still love the broken stick to pieces.  

Say good bye.

Crush and bury it with hard handed love.

Let it fertilize.

Don’t leak your energy.

Don’t arrange broken sticks.

Don’t move them from place to place.

Un-friend vampires.  Delete emails.   Burn photos.  

Let the sentiment of your memories bleed.

Free your hope of wishing things were different.

Then massage, and till your soil madly, lovingly, passionately and devotedly.

Take a seat on the heated soil.

Alive with deliberate destruction.

And watch what comes to life.

© Krista Kujat

📷 Me by Artist Aranka Israni




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MELT ME

ArmsUpAranka_0570

📷 by Artist Aranka Israni

Slide down my spine

Melt me now

Caress my skull

From the inside out

Your textured voice

Drips and drags

Into my belly

A red velvet statement

Of myself in selflessness

Hold me

Feel me

As I drag my breast across the floor

And then rise up  

Breaking the ceiling of my satisfaction

© Krista Kujat




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When Over-giving is the Death of Desire

Couple sweet laziness

We all crave the feelings of trust, safety and a sense of belonging in our relationships, but sometimes that craving turns into a compulsion to over-give by taking care of our partner’s feelings in order to maintain a sense comfort with them. You’re not alone in feeling dwindling sexual desire when things get too comfortable.

What many people don’t know is that there’s a pleasurable and empowering way to break free from this comfort zone. We can re-calibrate this desire-less groove by balancing out how we give and receive, both emotionally and sexually.

If we could just be more daring with our erotic desires, we can break the pattern of over-giving emotionally. By using sexual context to practice expressing our desires, it can break the pattern of coddling our partner’s feelings. As a result, we can achieve not only deeper satisfaction sexually, but also achieve greater trust in our relationships, because we feel even more free to be ourselves.
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What Beyonce Taught Me About Trust

Beyonce Knowles at the premiere of "Dreamgirls". Wilshire Theatre, Los Angeles, California, December 11, 2006.

I just watched Beyonce’s hour long music video “Lemonade”, twice.

Poetic. Deep. Beautiful. Raw.

Let me get a few things out the way first.

Number One: I love the fact that Beyonce doesn’t define her worth by her lover’s betrayal.

Number Two: I love that she doesn’t question or deny her love for Jay-Z even though she’s been hurt by his dishonesty. Love is grand, but not always pleasant. And as she says, “When you lie to me, you lie to yourself.” 

Number Three: I love how Beyonce acknowledges the generations of men and women who’ve equally suffered from betrayal. Healing the pattern of betrayal is deep. It involves healing history.

Number Four: I love that she names how grief heightens orgasm. This is something I’ve experienced myself, and thought about a lot. A heightened state of emotion running through your body also makes you feel physical desire and sensation more strongly. When grief bubbles to the surface during sex, it converts into a fiery passion that heightens orgasm. I love how our emotional bodies and sensual bodies are intricately designed to heal ourselves. 

But what I really want to get to is this: What moved me the most was how the entire video evokes the complex layers of healing in the wake of any betrayal.
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Find Your Courage and Unleash Your Libido’s Voice

Beautiful brunette singing woman on brick wall background

The first time I realized the connection between my self-confidence and my sexual expression was when I read Healing into Consciousness by Mada Eliza Dalian. I’ve since read this book 3 times!

When I read it the first time around, neither I nor my partner at the time felt respected whenever we talked out our emotions.

Ever feel like you’re talking to an alien when you express your feelings to your lover?

Um, yeah, that was the case for me.

I would explain and explain and explain my feelings. Nothing would land until I was pushed to the point of frustrated tears.

If you relate to this, before you blame your partner for being an alien, ask yourself:

Why do you feel the need to explain?

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